Lost

My world right now feels very small
The ugly thoughts turn everything inside
Just me and the endless questions
I can't get anything done
I try to do my best
It's never enough
Yet I toil extra to lighten the burden of others
Who?
Who knows
Another name
Another face
Another creature that only takes
That never gives
And fades into the fog of memory
While my heart treads on broken dreams
I know my wants
I know them well
But I set them all aside
All shiny, new and never opened
Without my wants close at hand
I can't figure out what I need
I walked into limbo and lost myself
Again

A Heart of Glass

Every morning I wrap my glass heart in wishes to give it strength.
Sometimes those wishes come undone.
Sometimes it feels like my heart will too.
I can always make more wishes,
But I only have one heart.
This is why the dreamer dreams.
Without them, we would die.

The Perfectionist's Prison

I'm not perfect and it is killing me
I judge people who don't deserve it
The thoughts just don't turn to words and fall out my face
You have done nothing to earn my harsh criticisms
Sometimes jealousy gets the best of me
Making me black and white in a brightly painted and beautiful world
I bleed all my colors off the pages of my life
Wishing I could be anyone but me
Then my perspective flips
I am an egotistic fuck
Thinking I am better than all of you
The gods' gift to the motherfucking universe
But also fragile like bone china
I'm scared of everything
Especially myself
Fear of the new leaves me stagnant
Frozen
I just know I am going to fuck up
Someone will tease me in jest like they'd tease any other
An innocent attempt at levity
I will snap
Morph into the beast I am
Melt them with the acid of my own self hatred
How dare you point out my fucking failure
I'm so ugly on the inside
I am told it is normal
I don't want to be normal
I want to ascend and transcend this disgusting, broken shell
I want to escape
I want to be better
I want out
Let me out

A Voice That Breathes

Darling friend, oh darling dear,
I cannot help you slay your fears
If you cannot tell me what it is
That keeps you petrified

The world is wild, its heart untamed,
It does not understand your chains
It will turn and turn again
While you sit still and silent

I'd say stay true to that voice within,
But you cannot hear him o'er the din
Of happenings outside and in

That subtle, silvery whisper
That long forgotten friend

It murmurs every want and need
Each fear, each hope, each dream, each plea
But you've long lost the tongues he speaks
And he has grown more quiet as the world forever spins

Yet if you listen close and well
You may begin to test and tell
As the sounds roll o'er you like a spell
Let them breathe and give you life

You may not grasp it right away
The message in each turn of phrase
But I think the tone will carry clear
And you can heed its call

To stretch oneself is surely strength
To neglect oneself is a mistake
Confuse them not, for heaven's sake
I do not want for that at all

Homeostasis Interruptus

When the tears fall out unbidden, the empty floods in
Like a universal rule of sick emotional displacement.
I thought I felt lost before, but my insides are as taut and hollowed as the hallways of my mind.
That's when I know I am in trouble.
The endless calculating goes inexplicably silent.
My body involuntarily forces the air from my lungs,
As if it has grown tired of trying to maintain stasis.
I'm just doing the best I can
For as long as I can.

Puppy Crush Purgatory

You've gotten into my head.
Not sure how you did it.
Makes me want to punch you,
Only cause I'm pretty sure I'm gonna drown,
When you started this.

I do want to kiss you,
But I don't want to die.
I've never not been chased back.
It feels a bit wrong.
It's terribly terrifying.
I have only chased three times.
Maybe I don't get this kind of tag?

Assurance is at the ready,
But only if there's asking,
And if there is a code to unlock normal conversation,
I have not found the cheat.

I'm irritated for wanting to touch you.
I'm irritated for wanting you to want to touch me.
I'm irritated for being irritated.
Why are you in my head?
I barely know who you are...

But I really want to.
And I do want to kiss you...
I just don't want to die.

Why Can't We Just Get Oolong

One night I met a Lich
Out on an evening's walk
He did not want to claim my life
That is not what he sought
He did not want to foster fears
Or take away my freedoms
He did not want to take what things I want
Or lodge himself betwixt me een them

I just woke up, he said
What on earth is there to do?
What is the time? What is the day? And who and what are you?
I want to learn all that I can
About this world and what is truth
If you'd be so kind to drink with me
I'd so much love your company
There is no sense of communi-tea
When confined in a phylactery

He offered up a toast
Yes, quite a novel-tea
This necromantic dandy wished to share a spot of tea

To liber-tea! He cried.
To profound adaptabili-tea!
To the mastery of musings, music, manuals and mindfulness
May this beverage resound it's warmth to every extremi-tea!
To you! To me! To frivoli-tea!
To our affable equanimi-tea!
Please do, please drink up, my dear
This immortali-tea

I'm not sure exactly what he said
But he just seemed so pleased
And if he'd had a face
I'm sure he'd grin from cheek to cheek
I grabbed the offered bottle
And I downed a swig of tea
To you! To me! To frivolity!
On this we both agree.

I felt a glow from deep within
That was calm and soft and warm
I knew without a doubt
That I was safer now from harm
A gift given with quite a bit of generosi-tea
An extension of my quali-tea of life, he gave to me

His desire was to collect songs
As we walked we shared some simple ones
We soon heard other music
Made under the summer moon
There was a fire and merriment
Voices in and out of tune
He approached, quite giddily
At discovering the festivities
Though that was short lived
Due to those who cling to their simplicities

There was a holy knight among them
A loud and boring elf was too
Both were much displeased to see the Lich
Based on what little they knew
With his so called sacred eyes
The paladin measured his intent
Though there was no malice there
The rules just can't be bent
Evil is as evil does
Whatever that may mean
I think it means react in fear
Is most of what I gleaned.

They knocked him down and spilled his tea
It really was a shame
We never finished chatting
And I never asked his name.
Though if his phylactery's intact
Perhaps we'll meet again.
To you! To me! To a cup of tea
We'll share again, my friend.

For who am I to judge a beast as this?
I am but a simple rhapsodist.